


Love Me Like You

by GhostDetective



Series: Downton Mixes [10]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst, Attraction, Budding Love, Closeted Character, F/F, F/M, Internalised Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Period-Typical Homophobia, Romance, Secret Relationship, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 06:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16299665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostDetective/pseuds/GhostDetective
Summary: Last night I lay in bed so blueCause I realised the truth, they can't love me like youI tried to find somebody newBaby they ain't got a clue, can't love me like you





	Love Me Like You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, 
> 
> I had planned to release this yesterday, but I wasn't completely happy with it, so I kept it back and edited it until now. I hope you like it. :)

“He might got the biggest ca-ar-r,  
Don't mean he can drive me wild or he can go for miles.  
Said he got a lot of ca-a-ash,  
Darling he can't buy my love, it's you I'm dreaming of.”

Everyone had expected that Matthew would end up with Lady Mary, god knows they’d thrown her at him often enough and, to an extent, they had been right; only the handsome, haughty and proud ice queen whose heart he had defrosted had been different to the one he had set out to win over. You see, though Lady Mary had a big house, fabulous treasures and an inheritance that would rival that of Croesus, these things meant little to Matthew. The one whom he had become so taken with had none of those things, but they had charm and a wit that could rival that of Wilde, and it had been this that had won Matthew’s heart. 

Since they had met, there had only been one lover for Matthew and that had been Thomas Barrow. Who would have thought that the heir to Downton Abbey would fall for the Footman? 

“They try to romance me  
But you've got that nasty  
And that's what I want  
So baby, baby,  
Come and save me  
Don't need those other numbers  
When I got my number one.” 

Much as his attraction to Thomas had been instantaneous, he had had a job convincing him that he was worthy of even being there, never mind winning his heart; for all his lack of position, Thomas could be more imperious than Lady Mary at times. Thomas had been most displeased when he had been given the job as Matthew’s Valet. He managed to find fault with everything Matthew said and did, making snide comments about his job, the fact that he didn’t own a set of tails, his lack of experience in social graces, it had been then that Matthew had snapped.  
“Why, do you like a man with a bit of experience?”  
He had meant it to sound like an offhand remark, but Thomas had gone deathly quiet, the colour drained out of his face, then rose back up faster than it had fallen.  
“I… I’m sorry, Thomas… Barrow, I mean.” Matthew stuttered, now blushing himself. “I didn’t mean to imply that…”  
Thomas found his voice, and it came out as a sensuous whisper.  
“Why? How much *experience* do you have, Mr Crawley?”  
Matthew’s eyes drifted down to Thomas’ lips.  
“I… Uh…”  
Thomas’ hand found its way to Matthew’s neck, he felt Thomas’ thumb stroke his jaw. Matthew could feel the blood coursing through him. Thomas leaned forwards and Matthew met him halfway. Passion swept over them like a wave and they lost themselves in it, each drinking the other in like rain hitting the desert and when they broke apart, panting, they clung on to each other for dear life. 

They had spent every night together since and Matthew floated through the next months on a cloud of happiness, his every thought consumed by the beautiful man that he shared his life with. He grew to be fond of his life at Downton and the family came to accept him. After her initial lack of interest, Mary had warmed to him considerably, dropping coy hints and flirting, Edith, as if sensing her sister’s earlier indifference had tried to pursue him, and he had shared a very tender moment with Sybil, but despite these turns of events, he found that none of the Crawley girls could match Thomas’ charms. 

Then they had had the argument. 

“Last night I lay in bed so blue  
Cause I realised the truth, they can't love me like you  
I tried to find somebody new  
Baby they ain't got a clue, can't love me like you.” 

Matthew had been telling Thomas of an amusing conversation he’d had with Lady Mary while Thomas was dressing him. He had got to the point where Lady Mary had touched his arm as she laughed when Thomas had suddenly stilled.  
“Ah yes, the lovely Lady Mary.”  
Matthew didn’t miss the icy note in Thomas’ voice.  
“Yes.” Matthew began uncertainly. “She can be rather lovely when the mood takes her.”  
“I’ve never known the mood to take her, quite honestly.” Thomas said, plainly.  
“Lady Mary is perfectly charming company when you meet her on her level.” Matthew replied, suddenly defensive.  
“Well I’m never likely to do that, am I?”  
“That’s rather jealous of you.”  
“You think I’m jealous of Lady Mary’s position?”  
“She can’t help her birth, Thomas.”  
“My god, they’ve got to you, haven’t they? They’ve made you into one of them. You toffs, you’re all the same!”  
“I think you’re being rather mean-spirited, Thomas.”  
“Mean spirited? You said they’d never change you, but now they’ve got you singing from their hymn sheet. I expect Lady Mary is already picking out a veil.”  
“You’re being ridiculous.”  
“She snares men, Matthew, now she’s snared you and all.”  
“Snared? I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions.”  
“They’ll be marching you down the isle before Christmas if they get their way.”  
“Well I have to marry someone, I can’t very well marry you now, can I?” 

The moment Matthew had said it, he knew he was out of line. Of course Thomas knew that their situation meant they could never live openly and all of the things Thomas saw that Lady Mary could give Matthew, he knew they could never share that together. Matthew saw the hurt in Thomas’ eyes as he turned to leave the room.  
“I’ll work out my notice as of tomorrow.”  
“Thomas…”  
“Goodnight, Mr Crawley.” 

Then he had left, taking a piece of Matthew’s shattered heart with him. 

“Used to get it when I wa-a-ant.  
You were pouring out your love, I could never get enough  
Now I'm dealing with these bo-o-ys  
When I really need a man who can do it like I can”

Far from drawing comfort from his inheritance and the woman he was expected to marry, Matthew felt more alone than ever. Downton was a lonely place without Thomas, the abbey felt more like a prison, a desolate fortress which he now faced without the one person who had made it bearable. Lady Mary’s rejection of his proposal had been the final straw. He turned his back on the estate and all of the memories that it held and tried to re-build his life, he met Lavinia and had just about accepted that he would marry her, when he was posted to the Somme and he met Thomas again. 

Matthew ducked from a shell exploding and caught sight of a familiar pair of eyes.  
“Thomas? It is you, isn’t it?”  
“Corporal Barrow now, Mr Crawley.”  
Despite the grimness of their surroundings, Matthew felt a huge grin spread across his face. 

They had shared tea together and reminisced about old times, Thomas even started calling him Matthew again and they found that, as they talked, Matthew and Thomas got closer and closer until Matthew’s head rested on Thomas’ shoulder. They stayed like that for a while, quietly enjoying each other’s company, before Thomas shifted slightly.  
“What would my mother say? Me entertaining the future Earl of Grantham for tea.” His voice was soft, fond, with a hint of something underneath the words.  
Matthew tilted his head up, meeting Thomas’ eyes.  
“War has a way of distinguishing between the things that matter and the things that don’t.” He replied softly. 

They watched each other for a moment, before their lips met in a passionate, hungry kiss. 

“They try to romance me  
But you've got that nasty  
And that's what I want  
So baby, baby  
Come and save me  
Don't need those other lovers  
When I got my number one” 

Matthew didn’t see much of Thomas after that night, though the memory of their encounter sustained him when he was injured and invalided out of the army. When he returned to Downton, the memories didn’t seem so painful, though there was still the issue of being trapped between two marriage prospects, expected to marry either Mary or Lavinia; though they seemed to be happy enough in each other’s company, he saw the looks that passed between them when they thought nobody was looking. He felt for them, they reminded him of himself and Thomas and he appreciated that all of them were in the same boat, expected to marry for society and position, but their heart was with another. Matthew knew that feeling all too well. 

The perk of being back at Downton was that he was reunited with Thomas, or ‘Sergeant Barrow’ as he was now and Matthew made the most of that at every opportunity. 

Matthew wheeled his way towards his bedroom and fumbled with the door handle.  
“Allow me, Captain Crawley.”  
Thomas appeared beside him.  
“Thank you, Sergeant Barrow.”  
Thomas opened the door and guided Matthew over the threshold, closing it behind him. Matthew turned to Thomas.  
“You rather carried me over the threshold _Sergeant._ ” Though Matthew’s voice was amused, his fingers stroked the belt of Thomas’ uniform seductively.  
“I would that I could, _Captain._ ”  
Something about the way that Thomas had said his rank made Matthew feel a faint tingling somewhere south of his stomach. Matthew shuddered. Thomas would be the death of him. Thomas leaned in and kissed him again, Thomas’ hand worked its way down to Matthew’s trousers, and the tingling feeling intensified, Matthew moaned softly and Thomas unbuttoned them, sliding his hand inside, teasing him. Matthew felt his desire rising.  
“Shall we go to bed?” Thomas’ breath ghosted over Matthew’s ear as he kissed him.  
“Yes.” Matthew gasped. Thomas lifted him onto the bed and laid him out over it, before climbing on top, his lips resuming their previous position on Matthew’s neck.  
Matthew may not have regained the use of his legs, but if Thomas had returned to his side, anything was possible.  
Matthew nuzzled Thomas’ hair.  
“I do so love you, you know.”  
“And I love you too.”

“Last night I lay in bed so blue  
Cause I realised the truth, they can't love me like you  
I tried to find somebody new  
Baby they ain't got a clue, can't love me like you”


End file.
